


I'm So Sorry That You Have To Have A Body

by SunOfIcarus



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Other, Sapnap-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Self Confidence Issues, Semi-Realistic Minecraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunOfIcarus/pseuds/SunOfIcarus
Summary: It makes his lips burn. Knowing that something so wretched has pressed against something so ethereal and good, that his poisonous fucking lips have touched what angels wished they could.------------Sapnap gets body-shamed and breaks down. Karl and Quackity do their best to convince him that he's beautiful the way he is.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Sapnap, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 34
Kudos: 737





	I'm So Sorry That You Have To Have A Body

**Author's Note:**

> TW - Eating disorders, feeling uncomfortable and ugly in your skin
> 
> I want to be clear, I truly do believe that all body types are beautiful. Anytime Sapnap refers to himself as "ugly" or anything such as that, it is how he is viewing himself, not how I view people of different body types. Please do not reflect his opinions of himself onto yourself, and please, please be safe. You are all lovely, and I truly do believe that.

“Awe man,” Karl whines, disappointedly. “I just realized my 100% win streak is ruined.”

The crowded auditorium stage is booming. Loud cheers erupt from the stands as the two teams below them fire at each other, occasionally hitting each other and disappearing.

Sapnap laughs, patting Karl’s shoulder almost patronizing. “Poor widdle Karl. Must be hard not to have team members who carry.”

“Hey!” Karl calls out, pushing Sapnap back playfully.

Sapnap’s team, the Red Rockets, consisted of one person Sapnap didn’t know too well (They didn’t seem too interested in the Championships, anyway, mostly keeping to themselves), Karl, and-

“Awe, perdóname, Karl,” Quackity says, appearing from behind them with fluttering wings. “I was too distracting with my big fat ass, I knew you wouldn’t be able to focus-”

“What the honk, Quackity?” Karl says, his face quickly going red, cut off by the brown poof of his hair.

Sapnap smiles, watching his two boyfriends shove each other and giggle.

He didn’t particularly care that they hadn’t won the championship. They’d try harder next time. But for now, watching the loves of his life simply exist, he was content.

***

Sapnap was quick to learn that no one felt the same way.

The three of them came home sweaty and smelly, a fact that Sapnap didn’t hesitate to tease them about.

Karl and Quackity didn’t seem to care about their current state. They leaned on Sapnap and whined about being hungry, complained about the lack of love and care coming from Sapnap (And giggling when Sapnap kissed both of their cheeks). So Sapnap made a deal: If they both took showers, Sapnap would make dinner, and then shower while they were eating. The two men had sprinted upstairs, pushing each other in an effort to see who could get to the shower first.

Which is what led to Sapnap being alone in the kitchen, scrolling through different social medias while absentmindedly stirring the noodles he had placed in the pot.

He had made a post about the Championships earlier that day, a selfie of him and his team members.

They all looked happy; Even the person who didn’t seem too interested. Sapnap’s raven hair and signature headband pushed slightly down his forehead as Quackity uses it as leverage to get a better place in frame. Karl isn’t even looking at the camera, instead looking towards the pair with squinted eyes and a bubbly grin. Sapnap can’t help the upward tilt of his lips as he looks upon the screen.

His smile upon reminiscing the photo, however, quickly drops as he scrolls to the comments.

_ Would have been better if you didn’t throw. _

_ Thx for another disappointing championship! _

And they just… didn’t get better.

_ Quackity and Karl deserved a better team than this one, smh. _

_ Maybe if u weren’t so fuckinj fat you woudln’t have held them behind _

God. Sapnap knew he needed to stop reading, needed to put the phone away and focus on something else, but he just couldn’t.

_ Karl and Quackity are so fucking pretty, how the fuck did they end up with Sapnap’s fat ass _

_ Did Sapnap train? Like, at all? His body doesn’t really look like it… _

_ Knew Sapnap was gonna throw _

Finally, he sets the phone down on the counter. He feels fucking sick.

He knows he’s not as thin, or as pretty as his boyfriends, but he didn’t…

Has he been holding them back this whole time? Did they deserve better than him? Better than someone who was slow, and ugly, and fat, and useless-

He’s struggling to swallow the mass in his throat as he strains the noodles. It was late, so they had agreed on something small and easy. Plain old buttered noodles.

He can’t help the slight shake in his fingers as he sets the filled strainer in the sink.

It’s rare that he actually felt attractive. He knew he wasn’t, especially not compared to his partners. His two thin, beautiful partners.

Karl wore colorful sweaters and hoodies most days, but it wasn’t hard to see his thin frame. Sapnap and Quackity would often tease him about it, how breakable he looked. Sapnap enjoyed how easily he could wrap his arms around the man’s frame.

Quackity wasn’t as thin as Karl. More lean. Not muscular, exactly, but not as frail looking. Thin, but strong.

Hell, even past that. Pretty eyes, perfect smiles, long lashes-

“Is it done?”

He flinches as he’s pulled out of his stupor. The clinking of bowls and silverware behind him tells him that they’ve both come down to eat.

Sapnap’s eyelids flutter, an attempt to regain himself, before turning with a teasing smile. “Of course, with how slow you guys shower.”

Quackity lets out a small noise of protest, while Karl just frowns at Sapnap.

“Sappy,” he whines. “Eat with us.”

He freezes.

Taking a small, shuddering breath, he breaks eye contact with Karl, glancing back towards the steaming food in the bowl, and in a split second decision replies-

“I already ate, nimrods.”

The lie only causes the sick feeling to increase tenfold. He can’t bring himself to look back at his boyfriends,  _ his thin, beautiful boyfriends, _ instead heaving a dramatic sigh and looking towards the ceiling. “I have to shower, anyway. I’m not letting myself smell worse than Quackity.”

They both boo him as he passes, and he gives them a final smiling glance before making the trek upstairs.

He almost loses it the moment the bathroom door is shut. His trembling fingers stick to the cold metal, and he’s oh-so aware of the large mirror beside him.

Slowly, he turns to face his image.

He’s wearing a red hoodie, identical to the ones that adorned his teammates during the tournament. It’s larger than theirs, though. The thought makes him frown.

He strips until he’s only in his boxers, and then he’s looking in the mirror again.

He wants to throw up.

The fat of his stomach pushes outwards, and his thighs bulge out from his undergarment. It looks almost tight on him. It’s not supposed to.

He brings a shaky hand towards his stomach and lets it rest there. It’s not like with Karl, or Quackity, where he can bring a hand to their side and wrap his fingers around their frame.

How do they deal with it? A man too fat for his own good, for anyone’s good, too big to hold, too large to wear their sweaters-

He tears his gaze away from the mirror, wrenching his fingers away from his flesh.

He still needs to shower.

Shower, then figure out the rest.

Except he can’t escape. He enters, and he can still see his fucking fat, still has to touch it, still has to look at the disgusting mass of flesh that he exists in.

He makes quick work of it. Closing his eyes anytime he has to clean his body, eagerly stumbling out of the shower the moment the soap is washed away.

He pointedly ignores the mirror on the wall beside him.

He grabs the towel sitting on the rack, quickly drying himself off, before feeling dread settle deep in his heart.

He had forgotten to bring clothes in the bathroom.

He had forgotten to bring clothes in the bathroom, and what if his boyfriends were in their room? If he had to go out there in nothing but a towel, hideous fucking body on display? But there was nothing else he could do, he couldn’t just wait in here.

His hands are damp, and he doesn’t know if it’s from sweat or the shower water.

He would just have to do it. Run out as fast as he could to grab clothes before sprinting back to the bathroom. And if his partners were there, he’d- he’d-

He bites his fist, attempting to stifle the sob that’s risen from his throat. And then he’s sinking, toweled-body hitting the floor as he curls into himself, and he can hardly do that correctly because his fucking stomach gets in the way.

The air is getting stuck in his throat, the tears slipping past his eyelids and streaming down his ugly face.

He’s not sure how long he stays on the cold tiled floor. But when he gets up, stumbling to their shared bedroom, neither of his boyfriends are there. He grabs the baggiest clothes he can find and runs back to the bathroom.

The mirror mocks him as he pulls the clothes on.

The tears have stopped, and instead a deep rooted exhaustion takes over. Picking up the towel from the floor, he steps out of the bathroom, walking towards his shared bedroom.

“Sappy!” Karl says excitedly, reaching out his hands in a grabbing motion. Quackity is already on Karl’s other side, arms wrapped around his waist and his phone in one of his hands.

“Sorry, Karl, I just… I don’t really feel good.” It’s not technically a lie. The thought of them touching him makes him feel ill all over again. “I think I’m just gonna sleep on the couch.”

“You alright, Sap?” Quackity asks, his wings twitching for a moment.

“Yeah. Just feeling a little bit sick.”

Karl sits up, breaking Quackity’s hold on him. “Are you sure? Should we grab the thermometer? Your face does look sort of red, maybe we should check your temperature-”

“I’m fine, Karl,” Sapnap says, hands up in a placating motion. “I probably just need to sleep it off.”

Karl frowns, but his motion is, for the moment, stilled. “Well, we should still help you get set up down there. There’s some extra blankets in the closet, I think, and one of us can get you a glass of water-”

“Karl. I’m fine,” Sapnap says sternly. To ease him, he walks over and kisses the crown of Karl’s head. Quackity pouts, and Sapnap presses his lips against his hair too.

It makes his lips burn. Knowing that something so wretched has pressed against something so ethereal and good, that his poisonous fucking lips have touched what angels wished they could.

“Let us know if you need anything, mi amor,” Quackity says, quickly bringing in Sapnap for a hug before pushing him away. “Now get the fuck out of here, we don’t need Sapnap germs infecting our sleeping area.”

Sapnap forces a laugh as he closes the door behind him. Leaving his two, beautiful, thin boyfriends behind him.

Leaving his ugly, deformed mass alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Body Terror Song" by AJJ
> 
> If you ever feel how Sapnap feels, please talk to someone. You are loved, by me and by others.
> 
> Feel free to leave comments, kudos, and bookmarks! (Do you leave bookmarks? Idk). Whether it be suggestions, criticism, theories, or general comments, I always love to read them. Don't be afraid to let me know what you think!


End file.
